My litte overwhelm…
Two days ago, I found myself desperately praying for clarity. I was so overwhelmed with what felt like too much to do, too much to hold, too many responsibilities and too little time. I was literally immobilized. (Sound familiar?) Compounding this, I simply could not hold the vast feeling of unknowing surrounding every aspect of my life, work and relationships – everything up for constant redevelopment and shift – EVERYTHING evolving – CONSTANTLY. The temptation to drown in the quicksand was huge!
I am in a place in my life where I have manifested and exceeded just about every dream I have ever had. Community, partner, business, opportunity, great health, good friends, global projects to change the world… all happening now. And, it’s all pretty whelming at times. My businesses has grown beyond my capacity to manage it alone, so I now have a whole organization working with me. My partnership is ever evolving – a home beyond definition – which is the deepest invitation I have ever lived to love truly and fully in the way of God – and which is totally terrifying at times. The global projects I’m working on are high-stakes and high risk and require both an expanded level of vigilance and presence and a very mature level of compassion and surrender.
Mostly, I love it… but, sometimes lately, I’ve been totally stressed out.
It’s been really interesting to see what I do. (I kinda think of myself as my own private social experiment.) I’ve been taking that frustration and anger and all the stuck and small feelings to God. Sometimes, I’ve been raging in my prayers. Like, “WTF, GOD? What’s this all about?”
God just laughs and smiles and says, “It’s for you.”
And, being a human being, sometimes I’ve gotten madder. (Anger is so predictable.)
But, by two days ago, I was just done being upset. I was just done arguing (which never works). So, I took a desperate prayer to god.
“Please god, give me clarity. Give me peace. I need your help. I need it now.”
What happened quietly startled me.
Instead of new information, I was gifted silence. Instead of visions of futures and projects, I was given presence. Instead of the clarity I have known before of guidance and direction, I WAS GIVEN PEACE.
Today, I am living the way. I am un-overwhelmed. I am at peace. And, somehow, easily, without effort, the path forward, one step at a time, is reveling its self as one of clarity and grace.
So, what I want to say to YOU, today, is this:
Make a prayer to clean the slate, clear the clutter, open your heart and free your mind. If you are overwhelmed, and I know you sometimes are, do what you need to do to open this space for grace. Dance, sing, meditate, go to nature, have a really good sweat, get yourself to a ceremony…. whatever it is. I promise, the silence is worth as much or more than the infinite space it contains.
Thank you, God! Much love! ~s.s.