To Your Independence
The people I love the deepest and the truest all have something in common: a fierce independence that finds its center in god and the soul. They all hold in common that the arbiter of their actions is not located out in the world, but in a deep and personal connection to inner guidance and listening to a greater intelligence navigating their lives. Of course, this means that there is absolutely nothing I can do to control them. It’s impossible for such people to be fully themselves in the context of control. They navigate by an authority that is divine, human and entirely emergent through their own listening. It’s terrifying to love such a person – because one never knows what they will decide or what God will decide for them. But, it is this kind of love that shows us what love really is, not on romantic human terms, but on the terms the universe offers us to understand what life and love and consciousness really are.
To love such a person is to really love, to love unconditionally, to love as an art of setting another free.
In my experience, this is unconditionality is both a prerequisite to and an ongoing foundational practice within any relationship that “works”. It’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing, and the most beautiful thing. The pleasure it offers is it’s own reward. But, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s just that, if you want a relationship that is really honest and true, courageous and surrendered, and authentic to your soul, it’s the only way to go. It’s the only path to soul level, sustained intimacy, whether with a lover, a friend, a child, a parent or a colleague. Unconditional love empowers each person to be wholly themselves. It supports each person to engage the other and the relationship itself (which is a third intelligence) from what is truly present rather than from what is past or what is projected into the future.
It takes a lot of maturity, softness and courage to create a relationship that lives in the present moment – a lot – because you don’t get to lean on future guarantees or projections based in past experience. You don’t get to create contracts to control each other or keep the other safe from experiences projected into the relationship from the past or onto the future because the past was scary. Rather, you operate from a primary contract to protect and uphold each other’s liberation. You get to gather yourselves into the present moment continuously as you do the healing work that inevitably comes up around the past and around what shows up on the path of your relating in the present.
This is the only true union - a moment by moment dissolution into love, honesty, co-creation, trust, presence, vulnerability and all the pleasure, pain, wonder, stillness, inspiration, awareness and responsibility that arises when we give ourselves totally. Why would we do this? Simply because we can. Simply because we are given to do so. Simply because we need each other in order to truly know what it is to be free.